What did we do to Keep Our Relationship Alive during Our LDR

Yet another question I get asked very often is how could I be in a long distance relationship (LDR) for over 4 years and not get bored.  Well, let me start by saying that it was another thing that was really not easy.  We needed to get very creative for sure.  Thinking about things which were unique, and some a bit weird, but cute and romantic.  Now keep in mind that in my relationship due to financial difficulties on my part, and visa and finical difficulties on my partner’s part, it was not possible for us to be physically together often.  We were only actually physically together once before the sponsorship process was complete, and my partner moved to Canada to live with me.  Once in 4 and half years…  Trust me when I say it was not easy. Our relationship did get boring sometimes.  There were many times for example, when we would be on skype and just quiet, and not really say much.  We would be on our phones, or Facebook.  Not because we did not care about each other, or bored each other, but just because we would talk all day, and there was not much to talk about by the time we would Skype in the evening.  Though even in those scenarios, we were very happy to be together, it still felt special.

We would do many things to keep our relationship alive and creative. Things that were awkward at the time, but first, we did not care, second, we were doing it for each other, and third, we can look back on it now, and laugh very hard about some of them.  So I am going to start with the more “normal” things I think most people in LDRs can relate.  First, when were together for about 3 months, I asked my partner if we could sleep together on Skype.  He looked at me like I was crazy, and said it was creepy, but I did not drop it, and kept telling him I wanted to try because I hated not seeing him.  Finally, by the time it was bed time, he agreed.  We slept together all night without the internet disconnecting, I was actually shocked that it did not disconnect.  I still remember, my partner got up first, and I remember waking up and seeing him dancing while making breakfast.  I sent him a message, and he looked at the computer with this big smile.  Honestly, it was at that moment I knew I wanted to wake up next to him everyday.  Anyway, during our conversation that morning, we talked about how cute we sleep (totally different now.  We now complain about how we sleep), and my partner said how much he loved it, and how we should do it every night, and thus, started our tradition of sleeping together on Skype pretty much every day.  We also gave each other access to our computers via a program called TeamViewer, which allowed us to connect to one another’s computers whenever, as long as we had internet access.  We would download and watch movies together.  Do the whole count down thing and start it at the exact same time, and stop it when the internet would disconnect (So annoying and upsetting when the power would go out for a few hours…).  We would watch controversial documentaries and discuss them with each other.  That was very enjoyable, we had some amazing discussions!  And of course, last but not least, Skype sexy time, which we actually called “surprise time”.  Just like in most relationships, intimacy is very important and healthy to any type of relationship.  That was something else we needed to learn to spice up.  We had our sexy times, in very interesting places… I will leave it at that.  We would also take each other to various places.  I remember one morning my partner went to work super early and did not tell me anything.  I remember him calling me at around 5 in the morning asking me to go on Skype and that he had a surprise for me, so I went online, and woke up to watching the sunrise from the top of my partners work.  It was a breath taking view of a bit of the city, and the sun coming up over the mountains, I almost cried.  I had never done that with anyone, and it was truly a beautiful moment that I will never forget.  My partner also used to take me to the beach when he knew I was having a really hard time with the winter, and we would Skype there for a bit watching the beautiful waves.  In 2012, I had a very big and heavy laptop, and an internet stick, which though it was awkward, gave me the access to taking my partner to various places in Toronto.  One day, I took my laptop to Harbour Front in down town Toronto, connecting my huge laptop, and my wearing this huge headset, with a long wire.  There was a lot of people looking at me like I was so weird, they had their reasons to think so, but I did not care at all.  To add to the awkwardness my laptop battery did not last more than 3 minutes.  So my partner got to see the lake for about 30 seconds before I had to leave and find somewhere to plug in my laptop.  So there I was walking around downtown Toronto with my huge laptop, headset and this long wire, talking to someone who no one could see.  Even after my laptop battery died I still kept walking around with it, because why would I put the laptop back in my back just to take it out again in a few minutes.  It seemed like a waste of time, so I just decided to keep it out and just walk around with it.  After a few minutes, I found a coffee shop with Wi-fi, and went online again.  That day after my laptop was charged I also took my partner to see the CN Tower, and Sky Dome.  Again, I had many people stare at me awkwardly.  We would take pictures and videos of everything!  Walking around downtown, video, family events, videos, and pictures.  Anytime we would go somewhere with anyone there were pictures and videos taken, and sent to one another via our many ways of communication.  My partner knew most of family and friends prior to meeting them, and the same with me with his friends and family.

Again, I stress that our relationship was far from easy, and even trying to go out and do things were met with much resistance from my parents.  It was always an argument over me going out and talking to people.  To avoid issues I would need to do it when they were not home, or lie and say I had to work.  Eventually though I stopped trying to avoid the fights, and would simply say I am an adult, it’s my life, see you later pretty much.  Even being home, if either of our mothers knew we were watching a movie, or talking to one another, they would interfere by deciding they wanted to have some strange conversation.  Usually one that was very random, and made no sense, for example that time my mother decided to have a conversation with me about our dinner and how she made it, knowing full well I had grown up watching her make the dish and that I knew how to make it.  My partner’s mother would do the same to him.  It was very annoying.  We would just look at each other through the cam with this face that spoke volumes.  But again, I cannot stress how important and vital communicating openly is to every relationship, but in an LDR types of communication is really all you have.  Another thing which is very important to remember when you are in an LDR is that, you and your partner are both in that LDR, and though your life situations maybe completely different, you are both in that relationship together and both have the desire to be together.  I remember fighting over very silly things that really did not make all the much sense.  We learned after about 2 years, we were just fighting because of the distance.  After that we quickly learned to analyse what we were fighting about, and stop it if was just something silly.  All in all, as I keep saying an LDR is the furthest thing from easy, but if you love each other enough and stick it through, all will be fine if it is meant to be.  Again, would I do it again absolutely not, but it was all worth it in the end, and if I had to be completely honest, if I had to do it again with my partner, I probably would, just because we both learned so much about ourselves, about relationships, ways to make our relationship healthier just by being in our LDR.

For anyone in, or considering being in an LDR, feel free to leave a comment or a type me a message, and tell me how it is, or what creative things you guys do in your relationship, and if you have any advice to share!  See you guys next time!

 

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