Welcome back guys! I often get asked a lot of questions about what it was like to communicating in an LDR. Well, I touched on it in my first post on what it was like to be in an LDR, and ways in which we spoke. Today will be more detailed on how my partner and I used to communicate, and how challenging it could be sometimes. So good news for those just starting an LDR, there are a ton of new ways to communicate with your partner. More than when my partner and I started our relationship. There are also new ways to interact, but we will get more into that a bit later.
When my partner and I first started our LDR we met online and began talking on MSN video chat (who remembers MSN?). Due to the call quality of the video chats at the time, we were forced to type unless my partner would call me over the phone, which I mostly just listened, because I was shy to talk and in shock that some guy from another country was calling to talk to me. Though I was okay typing. I was a lot less shy that way. Another factor was the language barrier. I would understand most of what my partner said, as I am Portuguese, he speaks Spanish and the languages are very similar. In saying that, I cannot type or write in Portuguese, so my partner had to read in English. After about two months, was when he began trying to speak English and learn with me. After about a few weeks I actually opened up and was able to speak and not just type. A few months later, we discovered Skype! Skype had much better voice quality and we could actually speak verbally. We would speak via email all day, or BBM. Eventually, our Blackberries died and we moved on to other smartphones (Actually, my partner’s phone got run over by a car), and began talking on WhatsApp. We also spoke on Facebook. Imagine LDRs back before technology? Wow… Give it up for those people who had LDRs way back when… It was so frustrating seeing “Internet connection Problem” pop up before Skype would try to reconnect, or when we had bad connections in general. I hated the days when we could not see each other due to internet issues.
So, now, what was it like with all these forms of communication? It had to have been super easy right? WRONG! It was the hardest, and most frustrating years of my life. Imagine being at rock bottom and one of the few people who has been supporting you, and comforting you is thousands of miles away. Imagine that you cannot hug your partner, or cry on their shoulder. There cannot be any physical contact with the person you desire so badly to be near. It can very devastating. Though there were many ways to communicate, we could talk all the time either, for example: when we were out of data, or when my partner would not have power due to frequent power outages (very often… Water too. So annoying!), or when my parents would try and interfere and deny me internet access. It was always challenging despite all the different ways of communication. It was an intense constant 4 and half year struggle. When we went to Mexico, going through those gates to come back to Canada, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, knowing I had to come back to Canada without my partner, and go back to communicating on Skype, WhatsApp, and Facebook. Knowing that again, I could not hug him, kiss him, hold his hand. I had to carry my heavy laptop around with me everywhere so we could see each other when we could. We both hated it so much. Thankfully, we do not have to deal with long distance ways to communicate anymore! I am blessed to go home to partner everyday! Well, he actually comes home to me, because I get home first most of the time. Point is after all of the struggle we are together.
For those of you who are just starting an LDR or are considering it because you may have found a special someone, there is good news! Technology has done a lot of amazing things in the past few years to make LDRs easier, and some technologies even specifically developed for LDRs. I will get to that in a bit. Currently, pretty much every type of social media, or chat app, now has a video call component to it, which is great! WhatsApp video is awesome! It’s how my partner talks to his friends and family in Colombia now, for the most part. BBM also has this feature, though when I used it, I found it very buggy.
Now onto the fun stuff. The stuff specifically developed for people in LDRs:
- Vibease: Vibrease is essentially a vibrator that your partner can control on an app via there smart phone. It also makes ambient sounds during the sexy time experience.
- Taion Heart: This is a cute one. When each of you squeeze this little heart, it takes your pulse rate, and via the app on your phone, transmits your pulse rate and pressure to your partner who would be squeezing the other one so you can feel their heart beat and with how much pressure they are holding onto the heart. It even glows and changes colours.
- Pillow Talk: This was actually the first device I heard of for an LDR, and really would have loved! This is also a cute one. With this product, you and your partner both wear a ring, and have a panel which you slip inside your pillow. Again via smartphone the panel in the pillow transmits your body pressure, and warmth, and the ring takes your heart beat. The app then transmits all of the information to your partner’s pillow, so while sleeping you can hear your partner’s heartbeat, and feel their presence. This only works though if you are both laying down at the same time. So even if one partner goes to bed first, they will feel it when their partner gets into bed. Did I mention is also glows? Pillow talk is actually not on the market yet though.
- Love Palz: Love pals are basically sex toys to use with your long distance partners. It comes in a “him” and “her” style. Basically you would sync these sex toys up to your smartphones and when you and your partner are having your sexy time it vibrates, and actually simulates your partners movements (Not to clear on what that means).
Finally, just one last note before I end of this post. If you are in an LDR, and you are really committed to your partner, and this really actually goes for any relationship, but communication is key. Communication is vital to any relationship no matter how you communicate. It is also just as important to keep an open mind, allow your partners to communicate their needs without shutting them down. If your mind is closed, your partner may not be so inclined to talk about many things. They may even fear talking about certain things because the fear of judgment, or negative criticism, or that you may leave them. I am not talking about cheating, but it is very important to remember that we all have a past, we all come with baggage, and to judge someone on that basis, without hearing them out, is not a great thing to do. I know both my partner and I have a lot of baggage. We had lives that were not easy, and did things which we are not very proud of. Each time we disclosed something to one another, we both listened intently, and picked the other person up rather judged them and tore them down. Acceptance, even in bad situations, forgiveness of self, and listening is really what I took from my LDR. I am a much better person for it, and my relationship feels unbreakable because of it. There is nothing that partner cannot tell me, and vice versa. Communicate openly everyone, it can really make a difference in any relationship, and within yourselves as well.
LDR toy sources: https://www.buzzfeed.com/