What is being in Long Distance Relationship (LDR) like?

For those of you who know me, or have read my about me page, you know I was in a long distance relationship (LDR) for nearly 4 and a half years. In total now, my partner and I have been together for over 5 and a half years, 6 years in May. My partner and I met online when we were both going through a lot. I was insanely messed up, depressed, and at rock bottom. I was getting terrible panic attacks and had no idea where to turn, or what to do.

I went online. I only had the intentions of getting laid, but then I found my partner. My partners profile said he was in Toronto because that was the default for that site. I met many people and spoke to many others from that site, only 2 of which were actually in Toronto. Anyway, I started talking to my partner that night on MSN (that’s right everyone, I said MSN). For the first time in a long time, I was actually laughing, not forcing it or faking it, I was smiling and felt happy. We completely lost track of time. I remember being in my grandmothers’ basement, and seeing the sunlight shining through the tiny kitchen window. It boggled my mind because I had never wanted to talk to anyone all night, let alone actually did it. I usually get very bored. I felt such a strong connection to this person from Colombia right from the get go. That night, well morning rather, before we said goodnight, I told my partner that I had a feeling that whether we wanted it or not, we were going to be much more then friends.  After talking literally all day via various social media outlets, a lot of shameless flirting on my part, and nearly 2 weeks of talking about how we did not want an LDR, we were having a conversation, where hints were dropped that we wanted to give a relationship a shot. Part of the reason I really agreed to it was because I had come from 2 very bad relationships where I went literally sometimes a week without getting as much as even a text from my partners. Then I had this person from Colombia who did not have much money, buying minutes to call me long distance and tell me that his modem was not working, but the internet company was already contacted and will be fixing it tomorrow so we could see each other (this was before we were in a relationship). I still remember I was so in shock the first few times my partner called me just to see how I was, that all I could say was “hi” and “okay”. Just right from the beginning, there was an immediate undeniable connection to each other. That was just the beginning of the very long wild ride that would be our relationship.

Having an LDR was one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life.  Would I do it again? NEVER! But, in saying that, everything has worked out very well between us, and we have an amazing relationship.  Every LDR is complicated and comes with their own unique challenges.  Ours was made complicated by my parents who did not approve, and did many things such as cancel the internet, to prevent me from talking to my partner. After a while of seeing that nothing they were doing was tearing us part, but rather pushing us closer together, they stopped doing silly things with the internet and my phone, and would fight with me about everything instead! They would literally blame me for the dumbest things, things I could not even help or had anything to do with.  It was a very difficult time in my life, but even still brought my partner and I closer.  After, a little over 2 years  later, I finally gained the financial independence to travel and see my partner.  We decided that for our first meet, as we had been together already for pretty long, we needed to see how we were together as a team, without any family or friends or distractions. Just the two of us.  Due to Visa restrictions, our options were limited, so we decided to go to Mexico City, and it was a dream.  We were exactly the way that we imagined we would be together.  Seeing my partner for the first time, was one of the happiest, and most exhilarating moments of my life. It felt so surreal, that the person I had been talking to and had fallen so hard for, was not just this face on a computer screen.  I remember thinking that he was shorter then I always thought. He was taller than me, but shorter than I imagined. This was because every picture or video that was sent to me, my partner was always the tallest one. After those weeks in Mexico, we returned to our own countries, more sure than ever that we would do anything to be together.  I remember how hard it was for me to return to my apartment, which my partner had actually found for me from Colombia, and how hard it was to even walk through that door knowing that I was officially back in my reality without my partner.  I remember opening up the door and sending my partner a message saying that I was home, and I could not wait to Skype.  I could not sleep until I knew my partner was home safe and sound.  I remember getting home and feeling so frustrated because I did not want go back to being in an LDR, but at that point, I officially knew what I was missing, and what I wanted. For the first few weeks after we returned to our own countries, it was even harder than it was before. I missed the physical aspects of our relationship: waking up next to him every morning, the embrace, kissing, holding hands, everything. We began the sponsorship process which would allow my partner to come to Canada very soon after.

Another thing that made it very difficult was people’s concern, which was appreciated when it was just to be cautious. However, there were some people who like to give constant warnings. Like every time they would see me they would as “Are you still dating that Colombian guy? You need to be very, very careful! That guy is probably just using you!”… LDR shaming people! It is not cool! It was like having to come out of the closet twice sometimes. Funny though the reaction to me being gay was usually a lot more positive than when I would say I was in an LDR. I thought it would be the other way around.

During our relationship we went on 1 break, and broke up once due to the difficulties of not being together. The break up did not last more than a day, and the break  lasted about a week. We just could not stop talking to one another. Even when it was too hard, we were the only ones we wanted to see at the end of the day; the only ones we wanted to share our days with. We could not be apart. The sponsorship was very exciting and stressful, as for MONTHS, Citizen and Immigration Canada did not send an update. I still remember our Facebook conversation printouts was bigger than any book I have ever seen. It was roughly 1000 pages, and Facebook was not even our primary source of communication. Like I said, we used to talk a lot!

We have been physically together since November of 2015, and living 1 of our many dreams of finally building our life together! Our LDR was a very wild ride, and extremely stressful at times. But, as hard as it was, like they say, when you know, you know. I knew, and could not be happier with how things have turned out.


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